In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good. Such situations may allow for partial restitution only. And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all. However, you can still take action in all of these situations to satisfy the spirit and the intent of Step 9 and progress in your step work. More often than not, step nine will be painful, but also equally freeing. There is no denying that taking step nine takes tremendous courage.

• Then, you’ll want to categorize each amend you have to make.
• If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation.
• There’s a reason why addiction is called a family disease.
• While making amends is apologizing, living amends means living a completely new, sober lifestyle, and being committed to that lifestyle for both yourself and those you’ve harmed in the past.

They can identify holes in your logic, places where you’re holding back, and ill-advised choices (like making amends to a person who does not want to hear from you). When I first came to recovery, I was certain steps 8 and 9 would be a breeze. After all, I hadn’t hurt anyone (Step 8), so I didn’t need to make any amends (Step 9).

Step Series

The root of many fears and feelings boil down to guilt and shame. Guilt and shame anchor people to their past and trap them in old ways that prevent them from growing and moving on with their lives. By tackling step nine, recovering alcoholics can be freed from their past, including addiction. An important element of step nine is that those in recovery have already begun making amends to themselves by changing some of their behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs. The goal of this step is to find freedom by cleaning up the past to live peacefully in the present. Those in recovery are encouraged to keep an ongoing ninth step in their life by continuing to pay off debts and refraining from lying, stealing, or cheating.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program. “I’ll never forget how light I felt after making that first amends. Sure, I was nervous initially, but afterward, it felt so good to take responsibility and tell the person that I cared about putting things right.

What Does Making Amends Mean?

The guilt may have been real, but the apology didn’t come with lasting change. During active substance use, most of us managed to damage some of our most precious relationships. Admitting this, accepting our role, and writing down each of their names are steps we now take to bring us closer to healing not only those relationships but ourselves as well. Step 4 had launched the process of owning our defects of character, and now Step 8 asks us to make it real by assigning names to that inventory.

I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on. Nor do I play the peacemaker between him and our Mother. If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it. Step 9 of AA may be one of the most difficult you’ll face on your journey to sobriety. Obtaining forgiveness from those who you’ve hurt as well as forgiving yourself for your past transgressions can lead to healing for all parties involved.

The List Of Wrongs

However, your primary goal should be to acknowledge that you have done wrong and would like to make up for it. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions explains the 24 basic principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. It’s important to have a plan in place before we reach out. We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally. So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support.

They don’t always see my hands off approach as sincere kindness, but my motives are pure. My Mom, on the other hand, loves to complain about https://ecosoberhouse.com/ Ricky’s behavior. Sometimes I can listen supportively for a short period of time. When she takes a breath, I ask if she wants my opinion.

AA Step 9 is an important part of your journey for sobriety. If you fail to make amends, these transgressions may cause problems for you later in life. For instance, you may have borrowed money and never paid it back. If this is the case, chances are the person may come back and request repayment.

They may find resolution and understanding about the past. Or, they may gain greater insights about addiction and commit to being a more supportive person in your recovery. When you make amends, the way you look and feel about situations changes.

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions ASL – Step Seven

But list-making is not the only element involved in Step 8. Without being willing to make amends to these folks, there is no way to proceed to Step 9, the point at which you will actually make amends. For living amends this reason, Step 8 requires that you become willing to make the amends necessary to continue progressing in the program. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.